Last Minute Halloween Costumes

Halloween is a great holiday. What other day allows the opportunity to dress like a fool and drunkenly wander around public areas? If you are like me, the answer is “everyday!” but because you probably aren’t a 23-year old fledging comedy writer, you mostly likely have vocational obligations and dignity. Even better! Because of that, here is a list of costumes that both get in the Halloween spirit and are simple enough to pull-off with your busy schedule.

1. Last Minute Jesus: Wear your bathrobe and fill a Dasani bottle full of water.

2. Last Minute Cat: Permanent marker whiskers on your face. Lay around on the floor.

3. Last Minute Sexy Cat: Same as “Last Minute Cat” but take your pants off.

4. Last Minute Herman Cain: Bring pizza and go in black face.  Don’t worry about being called a racist because anyone who would call you a racist doesn’t like Herman Cain anyway

5. Last Minute Billy Corgan: Wear a black turtleneck. Grab a hammer and a few pumpkins. Hit them throughout the night. Note: Especially effective if you haven’t seen the sun for three years.

6. Last Minute Hipster: Dress how you normally would + scarf. When people ask who you are, roll your eyes and say, “you wouldn’t get it”.

7. Last Minute Tyler Perry: Say things that make black people laugh. Make sure white people aren’t laughing and that there is a visible look of “Oh my god, am I racist?” concern on their face. Also, frequently leave party and return dressed as a woman. Mention how strange it is that you and Tyler Perry are never seen in the same room.

8. Last Minute Whitney Cummings: When someone makes a statement find something intrinsically wrong with it.  Hopefully you are hot enough where people put up with your constant naysaying.

9. Last Minute Guy Fieri: Stick your head in a bucket of bleach and use wood glue to stick it up to dangerous heights. Wear lots of leather bracelets and a button up shirt, leaving the top two or three open showing a cool vintage T beneath it. Go around eating everyone’s cheeseburgers.

10. Last Minute Steve Harwell (lead singer of Smash Mouth): Read above.